You may be a parent if . . .
. . . you’ve ever said one or more of the following:
Have you done your homework?
When I was your age, I walked to school barefoot through five feet of snow in fifty-below-zero temperatures.
Go to your room! Clean your room! Don’t jump on the bed.
Turn down that music! All that music sounds alike. I can’t understand the lyrics.
Don’t drink out of the carton. Close the refrigerator door!
That candy is going to spoil your appetite. Eat your green beans. Children in Africa are starving.
Flush! Put the lid down!
Don’t hit your brother. Don’t tease your sister. It takes two to Tango.
If you’re not good Santa will leave you a lump of coal.
Don’t make me stop this car.
Some day you’ll appreciate your family.
Wipe that look off your face. If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that. Don’t roll your eyes at me!
You’ll shoot your eye out!
Because I said so. Because I’m your mother! Don’t talk back to me, young man! Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.
This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. I’ll give you something to cry about. Do you want a spanking? If you do [or don’t], you’ll be sorry! You just wait till your father gets home.
Do the words “military school” mean anything to you?
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
Do you know what time it is? You’re grounded.
[Your child’s first, middle, and last name]
Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Why don’t you just grow up! I just bought you new shoes. When you grow up, I hope you have kids just like you!
Here’s how to score this quiz:
1-10 matches: You’re a parent.
11-20: You’ve become your parents!
21-30: You are the mother of all mothers.
30 or more: Seek professional treatment immediately.
And as you tuck your children into bed, don’t forget . . .
I love you.
I’m proud of you.
When you grow up, I hope you have kids just like you.
Copyright © 1997 James N. Watkins