You may be a parent if . . .
You may be a parent if you’ve ever said one or more of the following:
• Have you done your homework?
• When I was your age, I walked to school barefoot through five feet of snow in fifty-below-zero temperatures.
• Go to your room! Clean your room! Don’t jump on the bed.
• Turn down that music! All that music sounds alike. I can’t understand the lyrics.
• Don’t drink out of the carton. Close the refrigerator door!
• That candy is going to spoil your appetite. Eat your green beans. Children in Africa are starving.
• Flush! Put the lid down!
• Don’t hit your brother. Don’t tease your sister. It takes two to Tango.
• If you’re not good Santa will leave you a lump of coal.
• Don’t make me stop this car.
• Some day you’ll appreciate your family.
• Wipe that look off your face. If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that. Don’t roll your eyes at me!
• You’ll shoot your eye out!
• Because I said so. Because I’m your mother! Don’t talk back to me, young man! Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.
• This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. I’ll give you something to cry about. Do you want a spanking? If you do [or don’t], you’ll be sorry! You just wait till your father gets home.
• Do the words “military school” mean anything to you?
• I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
• Do you know what time it is? You’re grounded.
• [Your child’s first, middle, and last name]
• Money doesn’t grow on trees.
• Why don’t you just grow up! I just bought you new shoes. When you grow up, I hope you have kids just like you!
Here’s how to score this quiz:
1-10 matches: You’re a parent.
11-20: You’ve become your parents!
21-30: You are the mother of all mothers.
30 or more: Seek professional treatment immediately.
And as you tuck your children into bed, don’t forget . . .
• I love you.
• I’m proud of you.
• When you grow up, I hope you have kids just like you.
© Copyright 1997 James N. Watkins
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