Threat to society
Bad baby names
Jim is such a "plain Jane" name, but at least it doesn't doom one to taunting and tormenting in elementary school. Pity Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's brand new, shiny baby girl Apple! I can already hear the playground patter: "Apple's rotten to the core!" "Apple's full of worms!" "Apple? That's a pie-eyed name!"
Other actor's kids crying in the school psychologist's office include: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf's son Pilot Inspektor; Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayre's daughter Tu Morrow (Tomorrow), Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton's son Audio Science, and the late Paula Yates' daughters Heavenly Hiraani, Tiger Lily, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie.
Musicians also have their children singing the blues. For example: Michael Jackson's sons Prince Michael, Prince Michael II (AKA Blanket), and Paris Michael, Jermaine Jackson's son Jermajesty, John Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin's sons Speck Wildhorse and Hud, Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis son's Diezel and Denim, and of course Frank Zappa's kids Moon Unit, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Dweezil, and Diva.
Names are important. According to Albert Mehrabin in Selecting Attractive and Beneficial Baby and Adult Names, "Experimental evidence shows that persons with undesirable or unattractive names tend to be handicapped in their personal, social, and work-related activities." Or as an Italian proverb puts it, "[One] who has a bad name is half hanged"
And if you're into eastern mysticism, there's even more parental pressure to pick the perfect moniker. According to the folks at Yantric Yoga, the perfect name will, and I quote, " balance and harmonize your inner and outer nature with your Atman (true self). In turn, your Atman has unfettered access to the like brain receptor. A perfect union of communication is thus created. This creates even greater health and vitality because there is no need to make choices. Every stimulation of your inner being will now register at the cellular level of the mind, thus allowing greater clarity of thought, eradicating confusion."
Names that can really mess up your inner and outer nature--besides Apple and Moon Unit--include Judas, Jezebel, Adolph, Saddam, Abu Ghraib, Osama, and after "The Apprentice," Omarosa.
But you don't want a whole class of Emily's and Jacob's. According to the Social Security Administration's applications, that's been the number one girl's name for the past five years and the number one boy's name for the past four years.
Other girl's names in the top ten, in order, are Emily, Emma, Madison, Hannah, Olivia, Abigail, Alexis, Ashley, Elizabeth, and Samantha. After being number one from 1990-1995, Jessica has left the school building.
Next in the lunch line for boys, in order, are Michael (the number one name from 1990-1998), Joshua, Matthew, Andrew, Joseph, Ethan, Daniel, Christopher, and Anthony.
According to www.namestatistics.com, James, however, is the number one adult name in the United States. Over 3 percent (3.318) or 4,064,550 Americans are named James. And this is strange--12,750 US females are named James!
Rounding out the top ten adult men names in America: John, Robert, Michael, William, David, Richard, Charles, Joseph, and Thomas.
Mary is the number one adult female name with 3,351,975 women or 2.629 percent of the population. Surprisingly, there are also 11,025 men named Mary! (You can be sure those boys are being beaten up on a regular basis!)
Completing the top ten adult women names: Patricia, Linda, Barbara, Elizabeth, Jennifer, Maria, Susan, Margaret, and Dorothy.
So maybe James isn't such a bad name after all. There are plenty of us, it doesn't rhyme with any of the FCC's seven dirty words, and since middle age no one has called me "Slim Jim"!
Copyright © 2004 James N. Watkins
leave a comment, tell a friend, send me money
Email your comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
If this page was helpful, please . . .
a) tell a friend
b) link to it from your blog or Web site
c) save it as a favorite at
d) recommend it to digg.com and
If this page was really helpful, please . . .
e) consider a donation to our sponsor XarisCom.
You can donate securely with any major credit card
legal stuff and warnings
Copyright © James Watkins. All text and graphics on my sites, unless otherwise noted, are copyrighted © in my name,
James N. Watkins, and are protected by United States copyright law and international copyright law under the Berne
Convention. Please visit the press room for information on reprinting any text or
WARNING: Reader assumes full responsibility for the proper and prescribed use of this
site. For external use only. Discontinue if rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops. If swallowed, do not
induce vomiting. Side-effects may include drowsiness or mild to severe agitation. Do not read while consuming alcohol or
operating heavy machinery. Keep away from open flame. Do not store above 451 degrees. Do not use near or place in water.
Void where prohibited, taxed or licensed. Any medical information provided is for general educational use only and should
not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice.
Views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of
any other personreal or fictitious, living or deadusing the name James Watkins.