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November 2003



New slogans for old 'boomers'

Now that Baby Boomers (those born between 1946-1964) are starting to collect Social Security and AARP discounts, maybe it's time to rethink some of that generation's advertising slogans, bumper stickers, and those artsy motivational posters. Here are some of my suggestions:
    The best part of waking up is waking up

    You deserve an ache today

    When the going gets tough, call the urologist

    My other car has a handicap sticker

    Breathing is Job 1

    This is your brain. This is your brain on Prozac.

    Nothin' says lovin' like something high in fiber

    Make a run for the bathroom

    Dude, you're getting a pacemaker

    Nothing beats a great pair of support hose

    Obey your doctor

    Things go better with Codeine

    Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you feel completely out of your mind

    Nothing comes between me and my Depends

    An army of doctors

    Tune in, turn on, burn out

    Got Mylanta?

    Just for the health benefits of it

    Just say 'no' to fudge

    A mind is a terrible thing to lose

    No pain, no consciousness

    Today is the first day of what's left of your life

    I'd rather be napping.

    Shower Naked

    Just carefully consider it

    Can you hear me now that you have that 'Miracle Ear'?

Of course, there are a few that need no updating:

    I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

    Just what the doctor ordered

    I've fallen and I can't get up

And, oh, by sheer coincidence my wife is turning 50 the 24th.

Copyright © 2003 James N. Watkins (who is 51)



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