James Watkins Author Speaker Threat to society

Church at 30,000 feet

Irreverent from Rev. magazine
July/August 2006

I'm flying at thirty-thousand feet on my way to a speaking gig. Looking out the 757's window, I have some idea of how things look from God's perspective—or perhaps it's simply the lower oxygen levels at this height.

1. First of all, churches ought to have their own security staff at each entrance of the church. The Apostle Paul warns to "screen" church attenders for false doctrine, pride, crappy (the Greek word is "scabula") attitudes, etc..

So, instead of asking "Has someone you don't know asked you to carry a bomb on board?" screeners could ask, "Do you have any unresolved issues with a staff member or lay person? If so, please move to the reconciliation line outside the pastor's office."

2. Don't let announcements become as predictable as the pre-flight drone about seat belts securely fastened; seats in the full, upright and locked position; and seat cushions serving as floatation devices in case of a water landing (I'm flying over the desert southwest!). Everyone who's flown more than once tunes it all out.

Southwest Airlines, however, keeps my interest with their irreverent comments such as, "Secure your oxygen mask before assisting your child with his. If you are traveling with two children, decide now which child you like best." I always put down my magazine to listen to their announcements!

Hopefully what I have to say is at least as important as not tampering with the smoke detector in the lavatory, so I need to keep it relevant, interesting, and unpredictable.

3. I love to browse through "Sky Mall," the catalog that features fur golf club covers, sterling silver chop sticks, and my favorite, handicap ramps for pets who no longer can jump up on the furniture under their own power. Really! Don't most pet-owners try to discourage that sort of behavior?!

I'm sometimes guilty of envy (okay, carnal, sinful lust) when I see the latest electronics gadgets. But I know I really could serve God much more effectively if I had one of those pens that scans text in books and magazines, then downloads it onto your computer.

Ministerial magazines are also full of gadgets and gizmos for ministry. I don't know how I preached (and kept anyone awake) before video projectors and PowerPoint. But just like sterling silver chopsticks won't make fried eel any more appealing, electronic goodies are no substitute for engaging, encouraging, (and even entertaining) content. No matter how cool the graphics, video projected scabula is still scabula.

And having the entire church mailing list along with each member's attendance and giving records, spiritual gifts inventory, and complete medical history on a Palm Pilot won't make someone a more compassionate pastor without, well, compassion.

4. After three hours sitting in this tiny seat, my bum is numb. So, keep people moving in worship: stand, sit, shake hands with your neighbor, put your left foot in, put your left foot out, . . . . Don't create deep vein thrombosis of the pew.

Oops! Excuse me while I try to sop up my complimentary beverage service from my lap which reminds me . . .

5. Ministry is turbulent! But if we'll remain seated with our seatbelt securely fastened, we can ride out most of the bumpy moments. Go into ministry for the intention of staying at least ten years. (Studies show that it takes five years just to establish credibility in a pastorate.)

6. Everything looks smaller at thirty-thousand feet! It's all about perspective.

I love the story of David and Goliath for just that reason. The nine-foot tall giant struts out to the Israelite camp, blasphemes the name of God, belittles His soldiers, and they scurry into their tents thinking, "Man, he's too big to hit!" David—98 pounds soaking wet—on the other hand, looks at the giant from God's perspective, grabs his sling, and announces, "Dude, he's too big to miss."

Look at life from 30,000 feet.

7. Flight attendants warn during stops on continuing flights, "Ground time will be brief." Our time on earth is brief as well, so make your time count doing what's most important. (And since you're in ministry—and reading Rev.—you're already doing that.)

It's time to turn off all electronic devices in preparation for landing, so I need to say, "Thank you for choosing to read this column. If your future plans include reading, we hope you'll choose "Irreverent."

"Buh bye, buh bye, buh . . ."

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Church at 30,000 feet

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