If you're struggling with a habit and
nothing—not even prayer—seems to help, ask yourself these questions.
Excerpted from The Why Files. Buy it at
amazon.com.
I learned the secret to breaking habits in high school journalism class. Mrs. Leiter demanded that every hard news
story contain five w's and an h.
What?
What habit?! Yep, the first step is to admit some thought or action has become a habit and needs attention.
Who?
Is there a particular person or group
that you usually do this with?
Jeremy used to limp into my office
at once a week. "I'm so discouraged. I gave in and smoked dope again.
I over to Tim's to see my old friends, and before I knew it, I had a joint
in my hand."
Jeremy was sincerely interested in
helping his friends. But he wasn't strong enough to continue his old relationships
without them influencing him.
If every time you're a particular person,
you start cutting down people, smoking, drinking, going to far sexually,
or (you fill in the habit), you need to limit your time with him or her.
Breaking up with old friends is difficult,
but your physical or spiritual survival may depend on it.
Where?
Have you noticed that certain locations
create different mood--school creates boredom (at least it did for me),
or sitting at your desk puts you in a study mood? (That's why you should
always do your homework in a special place. After a few weeks, your mind
will automatically shift into "study" mode whenever you're at
that spot. Studying in bed rarely works because you spend most of your
time there sleeeeeeeeping.)
The same principle works for habits.
Ray used to sneak down to the basement for a bottle of wine hidden behind
the furnace.
"It was really weird, Jim. I thought
I had beaten my urge to drink. But today, when I was helping my dad change
furnace filters, that temptation came back really bad!"
So, if at all possible, stay clear
of those locations that tempt you or where you used to engage in that habit.
If you find yourself going too far at your guy's house when no one else
is home, then simply stay away from that tempting location.
If it's a place you absolutely can't
avoid such as the bathroom, at least be on your guard. Temptation is going
to be particularly strong there! But each time you don't give in
there, you will start to break that association with the habit and that
location.
When?
Have you noticed that temptations seem
greater at certain times? Maybe it's the time of day or when you're tired,
worried, depressed, or not feeling well. (I get tempted to eat my body
weight in dark chocolate when I'm depressed or bored.)
Obviously you can't change monthly
cycles, the time of day, your health, or the phases of the moon. But you
be be aware of when temptation seems to be strongest--and be prepared for
it. If you know that at ten o'clock every night you're be tempted to clean
out the fridge in a feeding frenzy, try calling a friend or being with
your parents during that time.
Temptation is ruthless and will attack
when we're at our lowest point physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Why?
Real success begins with the question
why. Try to discover what need you're trying to satisfy by indulging in
the habit. Be honest.
Sheila confessed that she was hooked
on sex. She didn't care who the guy was or if she really liked him. Most
of her time had been spent hanging around video arcades waiting for someone
to pick her up for a "one-nighter."
As we talked, she poured our her unhappy
childhood. "I never remember my parents ever hugging me or telling
me that loved me. I craved for someone--anyone--to hold me and tell me
they loved me. It didn't matter if they meant it or not. I just wanted
to heart it."
Sheila began to feel accepted by the
youth group and sensed unconditional love from the teens and the sponsors.
The void was now being filled in a positive, safe way.
How?
God wants to help us meet that need.
Habits only give us temporary relaxation, security, or release from frustration.
But a relationship with God can provide
a permanent solution.
He'll probably help us through people
in our church or youth group. First Corinthians 10:13 says we are not alone
in our temptations. In fact, your youth leader probably struggled with
the same habits, drives or feelings. Talk to him or her. Look to Christian
friends for support and prayer.
You can break habits before
they break you!
Copyright © 1987 James N. Watkins.
Related article:
The hidden habit
Your approach to looking at habits through the lens of the five W-questions and H-question was very helpful.
What I particularly liked about your approach was that it set particular habits and struggles with the context
of one's whole life. I feel that when we want to deal with certain issues we often look at them atomistically
instead of holistically. In other words, our focus on particular problems can become so narrow and so focused
that we tend to lose a wider perspective on what might cause them. prw327@student.canterbury.ac.nz (June 11, 1999)
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