Hope and humor: encouragement from James Watkins

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May 2010

The road of life is filled with pot holes and detours, but here at the intersection of Hope and Humor, I try to smooth out the rough spots with encouragement each Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

"Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well" (The Bible, 3 John 2).

P.S. I'll be taking the summer off from blogging, so have a wonderful, relaxing summer! See you September 1 with a brand-new blog format!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Laziness is virtue

It's Memorial Day. The official start of those "lazy, hazy days of summer." Time to laze in the hammock and ponder the importance of . . . well, lazing in the hammock.

Laziness, you see, is a vital virtue! Think about it over a tall glass of lemonade. Where would we be today without this important quality? "Necessity" is not the "mother of invention"! (Maybe a sister or a

second-cousin, but not the mother.) Laziness is the mother of invention!

For instance, we'd all be living like the hard-working Amish, who live without electricity and indoor plumbing, if not for this much-maligned virtue.

Grog was too lazy to drag a mastodon back to the cave, so he invented the wheel and, subsequently, the Monster Truck.

The the inventor of the flush toilet, John Crapper, (that's his real name) was simply too lazy to empty "thunder mugs" or use the outhouse in sub-zero temperatures.

Alexander Graham Bell was too lazy to walk into the next room when he needed his lab assistant Watson, so he invented "voice mail."

And Henry Ford, the inventor of the "horseless carriage," was too lazy to shovel out the barn ("There must be a better way to reduce carriage emissions!").

Every great invention, from the "doodad" to the "thingamabob," has been the result of laziness. (That's why the industrious Amish have never been known as great inventors and innovators. Industry stifles invention.)

Laziness, then, should be applauded as a virtue! So, let's get in that hammock and put laziness to work! Happy Memorial Day!

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to share a comments—if you're not too lazy.

Publishing sky not falling

The director of a large writers' conference, just sent out an urgent email to former faculty in response to Garrison Keillor's alarmist New York Times editorial decrying "The End of an Era in Publishing." She wondered how all the upheaval in publishing would affect the conference. I replied:

I'm sure when bound books were first introduced—and threatened to replace

scrolls—the Henny Penny's of the publishing world then were convinced the sky was falling.

Whether writing is on papyrus, sheep skins, paper or pixels is totally irrelevant. The important thing is that good writing is good writing. The vehicle is not the issue—the writing is. This is a great time to be a writer. A not-so-great time to be a traditional royalty publisher!

So, I'd continue at the conference to emphasize the elements of good writing. (And throw in a panel discussion on traditional, e-publishing and self-publishing.) Twenty years from now, the publishing world will again be in total chaos over books delivered to microchips implanted in our skulls—but we'll still need great writers. That's the success of your conference—training great writers.

[Click for my links to writers' tools and self-publishing resources.]

Friday, May 28, 2010

Waiting

Here's a devo I wrote for the Upper Room's 2010 Disciplines book.

Read Psalm 4

Waiting is hard work!

Sitting in a "waiting" room mindlessly thumbing through old magazines as you wait for the nurse to call out the name of

your sick child. The numbness of waiting for test results that may change your life—or shorten it. Waiting for a teenager to come home—and he's an hour late. Waiting years for God to bring a prodigal child home.

We're not alone in our struggles with waiting. Psalm 4 is categorized as an "individual lament." which make up a full one-third of the book's content.

Psalmists cry out, "Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble" (69:17), "They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—to the LORD, but he did not answer" (Psalm 18:41), "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1).

Commentators suggest Psalms 3 and 4 are written against the background of Absolom's rebellion against his father David as well as betrayal of some of David?s former supporters who have turned his "glory into shame"?

But the psalmist provides hope and some practical things to do while we wait:

1. Know that the Lord has set us apart as his own

2. Search your heart for any anger or sin related to this waiting period

3. In your anger—or frustration—do not sin

4. Be silent and listen for God's encouragement and instruction

5. Trust in the Lord

While David is in the midst of conflict, while he is waiting for God to act, he is confident that one day, his heart will be filled with "greater joy." He will ?lie down and sleep in peace," "For you alone, O LORD make me dwell in safety."

Prayer: Father, remind us that we are yours and help us to trust in you as we wait for you to act. Help us, by faith, to look forward to a future with "greater joy."

(Click to order Disciplines 2010.)

This week on TwitterFace

Here are this week's favorite posts from my Twitter and Facebook pages:

(05.28) Pharaoh wants to kill my son. I'm a basket case! Jochebed, mother of Moses (From the Twitter Bible: http://www.jameswatkins.com/twitterbible.htm )

(05.27) When the President said, "Plug the damn hole," was he referrring to a) the Gulf oil leak, b) government spending, c) the US/Mexican border, d) VP Joe Biden's mouth, d) other?

DAUGHTER COMPLETES HALF MARATHON! CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE

(05.26) Granddaughter, Hannah, graduated from pre-school this evening. Congrats, Hannah! [That's her with the "Go Mom" sign.]

(05.26) Writers, wondering why your books are not being published? Gary L. Wilson of Oregon is suing the Federal Bureau of Investigation because he claims they "are harassing" and "blocking publication" of "18 book manuscripts and 18 movie scripts." He wants 5 million in damages. (I knew there was something more to it than my work simply not "suiting editorial needs at this time"!)

(05.26) Just signed a real estate deal to die for! Ananias and Saphira (From the Twitter Bible: http://www.jameswatkins.com/twitterbible.htm )

(05.23) I think I just "Lost" four and a half hours of my life!

(05.22) Congratulations to daughter, Faith, for completing the Geist Mini Marathon (13.1 miles) in just 2 hours and 27 minutes! I'm so proud of her! [See pic]

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

'Before the Morning'

My daughter, Faith, wrote on Facebook: "This Josh Wilson video became my theme song during my half marathon (I listened to it over and over for inspiration) and it could also be the theme song for my recent personal struggles. Hope it inspires you!"

Congrats on your marathon (click for pic) and thanks for the link.

    Come on, you gotta wait for the light
    Press on and just fight the good fight
    'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
    Is just the hurt before the healing . . .

Large size

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to share an encouraging video.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm eight pills old

You can tell the age of a tree by counting the rings on the trunk. You can count horses teeth. Scientists can even date rock and Joan Rivers with carbon dating. And, here's my theory: you can tell a person's age by counting the pills in his or her medicine cabinet.

Between ages one to sixteen, my one pill a day was Flintstone's chewable vitamins.

Actually, I started out on something akin to Lucy's "Vit-a-Meat-a-Veg-a-Min." Each morning, my mom would tackle me, pin me to the floor, and force a table spoon of Vit-a-Gag-a-Choke-a-Retch down my throat. Thank goodness for Fred, Wilma, Barney, and Betty! So, one pill bottle: one to sixteen years old.

At age sixteen, my hormones waged war against my body and suddenly my face erupted into full-scale, thermonuclear acne. Add to the battle-scarred landscape 1970-style braces, and it looked like Paris had been bombed with the Eiffel Tower lying in ruins across the destruction. Fortunately, there were tetracycline pills which brought a bit of peace to my war-ravaged face. So, two pill bottles: sixteen to twenty years old.

[More]

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to share a comment.

Friday, May 21, 2010

When God turns out the lights

One of my favorite authors is Saint John of the Cross with his profound concept of "the dark night of the soul." His writing is deep and insightful, but often as dark as the night he describes. Fortunately, author and speaker Cec Murphey has shed light on the dark night in his easy-to-read book When God Turned Off the Lights.

Cec writes, "I cried out constantly for a

CEC MURPHEY'S BOOK: WHEN GOD TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS

sense of divine presence, but it wasn't there for me. I cried, 'God, I've been faithful to You, so where are You?'" And he points out the most distressing part of the darkness: "God's absence is felt as a real absence only when we believe in the possibility of divine intervention. Atheists don't have to struggle with the 'dark night of the soul'!"

While neither St. John of the Cross nor Cec offer pat answers, both do assure believers that they thave been there just like you. Cec notes, "I've walked through the dark valley of emptiness three times in my life—and each time it was worse."

So click here for ten things to do when God turns out the lights.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Keeping your dreams alive

I'm sharing two keynote talks on dreams here atop the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina. It's easy to have dreams on a mountaintop, but most of us spend most of our time in the valley. (After two weeks in the Rocky and Blue Ridge Mountains, tomorrow I'm returning to the flatlands of Corn Borer, Indiana.)

So, here are condensed versions of my talks: "Keeping Your Dreams Alive"
• Printed version
• Audio version (mp3)

"Joseph's Dream" by Gandolfi

Several asked if I wrote the "good news/bad news" story that introduced Tuesday's talk. Yep, it's from Characters. Thursday, I'll begin my talk with excerpts from The Twitter Bible.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Top ten great things about being an author

I have in my right hand, direct from my temporary office at the Blue Ridge Christian Writers' Conference in beautiful Ashvelle, North Carolina, today's category: Top ten great things about being an author (beside speaking at writers' conferences)

10. No heavy lifting. Since no physical skill

or strength is required to be a word jock, your career isn't over by age 30 like most major league athletes.

9. It's cheaper than collecting antique cars or Longaberger baskets. For the price of a ream of paper ($3.95 at Office Depot) you can write an epic novel or two nonfiction books. (Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was written on the back of an old envelope.)

8. It's one of the few occupations you can perform in your underwear without the vice squad breaking down your door.

[More]

Here are my topics for the week:
• Communicate to Change Lives continuing seminar
• Keeping Your Dreams Alive two keynote talks
• Writing with Banana Peels continuing seminar

Friday, May 14, 2010

Like the mighty mountains

    Your love, O Lord, reaches to the
        heavens,
        your faithfulness to the skies.
    Your righteousness is like the mighty
        mountains,
        your justice like the great deep.
    O Lord, you preserve both man and
        beast.
    How priceless is your unfailing love!
        Both high and low among men

find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:5-7).

Having a good time at the Colorado Christian Writers' Conference in Estes Park, Colorado, but I do wish it would stop snowing. (Over a foot of snow fell Tuesday night after I arrived; it's snowed every day since.)

Next stop, the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers' Conference in Asheville, North Carolina, May 16-20. (It's supposed to be sunny in the high 70s there!)

This week on TwitterFace

Here are this week's favorite posts from my Twitter and Facebook pages:

(05.15 ) Great response to last night's keynote: Confessions of an Author and Speaker http://www.jameswatkins.com/helpme.htm

(05.13) "If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?" Steven Wright

(05.12) "The mark of a really great writer is that he gives expression to what the masses of mankind think or feel without knowing it. The mediocre writer simply writes what everyone would have said." G. C. Lichtenberg

(05.11) Watching heavy snow fall outside my window at the Colorado Christian Writers' Conference in Estes Park (12-36 inches expected tonight). Thanks for praying for those traveling to the conference tomorrow. (I misunderstood tomorrow's start time so accidentally—providentially—flew in a day early and avoided the blizzard.)

(05.10) I don't believe in purgatory, but I do believe in Chicago's O'Hare airport. Light a candle for me tomorrow morning!

(05.09) The Examiner.com—not to be confused with The Enquirer—is now featuring "Hope and Humor" at http://www.examiner.com.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Top ten clues a man should wear a shirt in summer

I have in my right hand, direct from the home office in hot and humid Corn Borer, Indiana, today's category:

10. Take a tape measure. Drop it on the floor. If you can't pick it up without bending your knees, put on a shirt.

9. If you have a tattoo containing any of the

Federal Communication Commission's seven dirty words, put on a shirt.

8. If you don't want to appear as a suspect on TV's "COPS," put on a shirt.

7. If you have more chest hair than your neighbor's poodle, put on a shirt.

6. If you're over 40, put on a shirt.

5. If you've had open-heart surgery, put on a shirt.

4. If your mother, wife or daughter (and especially all three together) can't reach around you for a hug, put on a shirt.

3. If you don't want to die of melanoma, put on a shirt.

2. If your measurements exceed 36A, put on a shirt.

1. If your family or neighbors have forwarded this column to you, put on a shirt.

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to leave a comment.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Small miracles

You would expect the Son of God to begin with a more spectacular miracle: raising a corpse from the dead, healing a leper, multiplying loaves and fishes, casting out an evil spirit, calming a raging storm or at least walking on the sea. After all, this is the same God who brought us Mount Sinai, the Red Sea, and the walls of Jericho.

But Jesus chooses to launch his ministry of miracles by saving a party! More guests have shown up at the wedding reception than sent in their RSVP cards, and now the punch bowl is dry. So Jesus turns water into wine!

Water into wine? That doesn't bring anybody back from the dead, free anyone from life-threatening illness or even defy the forces of nature.

It does, however, reveal a God who is not just interested in the "spiritual" dimension of our lives or the "life and death" issues. Jesus reveals that our social lives—even our parties—are important to God. It would have been a disgrace for the host of the wedding reception—not to mention the bride and groom—if the refreshments would have run out.

In the same way, the Lord intercedes in the average, every-day, run-of-the-mill, mundane moments of our lives. A relationship with a God who was only interested in the "big" issues of life, would be no more personal than our relationship with the 911 operator. But the infinite, almighty God chooses to relate on a more intimate level—not on the Mount Sinai's, but in the dining rooms of our lives.

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to leave a comment.

Friday, May 7, 2010

'Faith of Our Mothers'

Happy Mother's Day! Here are some original lyrics for Mom. (Sing to the tune of "Father of Our Fathers.)

    Faith of our mothers, living yet,
    after church meetings, house-breaking
        pets,
    Car-pooling Little League, lessons at 2,
    None would get done if it weren't for you.
    Faith of our mothers! Holy faith!
    We will be true to you always.

    Faith of our mothers, living still,
    in spite of doc'tring others while ill,
    Working long hours and dinner at 5,
    Only by God's grace are they alive!
    Faith of our mothers! Holy faith!
    We will be true to you always.

    Faith of our mothers passed on to each
    child and grandchild, nephew and niece,
    Sharing their faith, their hope, and their love,
    Grant them your strength and peace from above.
    Faith of our mothers! Holy faith!
    We will be true to you always.

But, wait, here are more Mother's Day articles:
• The Papoose Driven Life
• Son of a saint: good parents, bad children
• You may be a mother if . . .

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to share your thoughts.

This week on TwitterFace

Here are this week's favorite posts from my Twitter and Facebook pages:

Faith just called for some "manly advice" on spray-painting Hannah's cardboard car for pre-school. I told her she was a great mom—and dad—to her girls. She said, "But I don't have dad parts." I said, "Being a dad is not about having the right parts, but having the right heart."

For my pastor friends filling out district reports, here's what I think of them: http://www.jameswatkins.com/nickelsandnoses.htm

"We do not draw people to Christ by loudly discrediting what they believe, . . . but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it." Madeleine L'Engle

Never apply for a job posted on a utility pole!

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58b NIV). I needed that today! Maybe you did too.

I've tried my best, but I'm the world's worst at self-deprecation. (From Writing with Banana Peels)

Thank God for incompetent terrorists: shoe bomber, underwear bomber, Times Square bomber . . .

I can't decide if I am or am not ambivalent.

Happy May Day! If 50 or more, you remember "May baskets." If 40 or more, you remember Russian missiles. If under 40, "Huh?!"

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Speaking at Colorado and
North Carolina conferences

I'm looking forward to meeting some of you at two great conferences this month. Here's what I'll be covering:

Colorado Christian Writers' May 12-15 Estes Park, CO
• Communicate to Change Lives continuing seminar

• Confessions of an author/speaker keynote talk

Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers' May 16-20 Asheville, NC
• Communicate to Change Lives continuing seminar
• Keeping Your Dreams Alive keynote talk
• Writing with Banana Peels continuing seminar

Thanks for your prayers. What was I thinking when I booked two conferences back to back?!

Monday, May 3, 2010

I like big buts

I like big buts and I cannot lie. No, it's not that annoying Sir Mix-A-Lot ditty. I like the big buts of the Bible. For example . . .

No one has ever seen God; BUT if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (1 John 4:12).

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in

him shall not perish but BUT have eternal life (John 3:16).

Do not be anxious about anything, BUT in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6).

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, BUT the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express (Romans 8:26).

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, BUT a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).

We are hard pressed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed, BUT not in despair . . . (2 Corinthians 4:8).

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, BUT we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

Do not be overcome by evil, but BUT overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

God has combined the members of the [church] body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, BUT that its parts should have equal concern for each other (1 Corinthians 12:24-25).

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. BUT the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Yep, I like big BUTS of the Bible.

Email me at jim@jameswatkins.com to share your favorite "big but."

Top ten Web pages from April

I have in my right hand—direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana—April's top ten most popular pages at jameswatkins.com. [March's ranking]

1. Home page [2]

2. "I just want to die" [3]

3. Were United States founding fathers Christian? [4]

4. Dealing with death and grief [5]

5. It's Sunday, but Jesus is comin' [13]

6. Top ten reasons I'm not divorcing my wife [6]

7. God hates www.godhatesfags.com [12]

8. The hidden habit: masturbation [8]

9. Does DNA disprove evolution? [7]

10. Encouraging quotations [11]

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jameswatkins.com.

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