lone ranger to blame for iraq war?

(March 23, 2006)

With the third anniversary of the Iraq war, politicians, pundits, and people around the water cooler have been pontificating how we got into this conflict. Here’s my theory.

[Cue “William Tell Overture”] “With his faithful Indian companion, Tonto, the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains led the fight for law and order in the early west. Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear. The Lone Ranger rides again!”

Yep, President Bush and his advisors, like me, spent their formative years watching the Lone Ranger. So, here's my theory on what led to the Iraq War.

The Lone Ranger

Except for Tonto, whose main purpose, it seems, was to go to town for supplies and affirm, “Um, that right, Kemosabe,” the Lone Ranger took on the bad guys, well, alone. The local sheriffs were either incompetent or corrupt, and the Texas Rangers and US Calvary were always a three-day-ride away.

So it was up to the Lone Ranger to come up with a “daring and resourceful” plan to single-handedly defeat the desperadoes. I never recall him asking, “Tonto, do you have any ideas how to defeat the desperadoes” or “Sheriff, how can I help you defeat the desperadoes?” Nope, that simply wouldn’t be the Lone Ranger.

Silver bullets

Of course, there was never any bloodshed as the Lone Ranger went in with both guns blazing. He used silver bullets, which according to Tonto, shot straighter. In fact, the Lone Ranger was famous for shooting silver dollars right out of the air and guns right out of the hands of outlaws.

His motto was “shoot to disarm, never to harm.” And, of course, no innocent bystanders were ever shot in the hail of bullets.

Guaranteed success

It seemed that every other week, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were tied up in an abandoned mine with the fuse burning away on a keg of dynamite while the Cavendish gang waited at the opening with guns drawn. So, every other week, I was under the coffee table knowing that this was the certain end of my boyhood hero. My mother would roll her eyes, shake her head, and shove the “TV Guide” under the table to me.

“See, The Lone Ranger is scheduled for next Saturday at 11:00. Here’s going to get out alive.”

“But there’s no way. He’s tied up with a keg of dynamite and the Cavendish gang is waiting to ambush Tonto and him outside the mine.”

“Next Saturday, 11 o’clock.” Yep, Mom was always right. The Lone Ranger was immortal—and also very punctual! It only took 25 minutes each week to accomplish his mission.

Grateful citizens

Finally, the show always ended with grateful citizens asking, “Who was that masked man?” And someone would always dramatically answer, “That’s the Lone Ranger” and off he would ride waving to the grateful citizens.

Looking back, it was a terribly unrealistic show.

The black powder used in the “thrilling days of yesterday” was notoriously inaccurate. So, while Clayton Moore’s character could shoot the guns our of outlaws’ hands at fifty yards, in reality, he would have been lucky to hit the broad side of the outlaws’ hideout.

According to a Kansas history, only one-third of gunfighters in the early west died of natural causes making their life expectancy only 35.

And local citizens, during the “wild west,” were often on the other side of the law.

The Lone Ranger was a great show for a second-grader, but not a realistic plan for bringing “law and order” to the early west—or the Middle East.

© 2006 James N. Watkins

Note: July 2008

The online movie review site, Past the Popcorn, argues that Batman is to blame:

Most notably, this film is a sober-minded and pragmatic examination of what’s happened to America under the current Bush Administration… and it’s not going to offer any warm fuzzies to starry-eyed optimists hoping that either McCain or Obama are going to “change things.”

At the core of this film is Harvey Dent’s observation that you “either die a hero or you live long enough to become a villain.” It’s a mantra that even Bruce Wayne sees the sense in. Already dancing on the precarious edge of vigilante justice partly motivated by first-strike pragmatism, Batman runs into a new kind of seemingly motive-less killer/terrorist in The Joker… who knows that Batman has principles and lines that he won’t cross. The Joker uses that knowledge to his full advantage; and his aim, with both Batman and Dent, is to drive them to the point of seeing what they would “have to become” to defeat The Joker: to break them morally and turn them, too, into villains, fulfilling Dent’s prophecy.

And what happens when Wayne comes up against that point? Well, rather like our sitting President appears to have done, he doesn’t hide behind legalisms and niceties. No, Wayne takes actions remarkably similar to unconstitutional wiretapping and torture. The Dark Knight is a serious look at what happens to “decent men in indecent times,” an affirmation that in the “real world,” sometimes “the truth isn’t good enough.” It ultimately argues that we value a “guardian and protector” more than we value a “hero.”

why do shiites hate sunnis?

(August 7, 2006)

While testifying before Congress concerning the "possibility" of civil war, Marine General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, warned, "Shiites and Sunnis are going to have to love their children more than they hate each other." But why do they hate each other?

Both Sunnis and Shiites have the Koran (Qur'an) as the source of their beliefs and believe "'There is but one God, Allah, and Mohammed is His prophet." The deadly difference concerns who are Mohammed's rightful successors.

Shiites believe that only those in the bloodline of Mohammed can be in leadership.

Sunnis, who make up 90 percent of Muslims, believe that the leader (imam) of the Muslim community should be selected on the basis of the leader's individual merits and communal consensus regardless of lineage.

The split occurred after Mohammed's death in 623 AD when community leaders elected a close companion of the prophet named Abu Bakr to become the first Caliph (Arabic for "successor"). Although most Muslims accepted this decision, some supported the candidacy of Ali ibn Abi Talib, the Prophet's cousin and son-in-law. Ali's supporters, now the Shiites, assassinated the third Caliph in 656 AD and made Ali the Caliph. Then, what are now the Sunnis, assassinated Ali in 670 AD, and the deadly division was solidified.

Shiites are most dominant in Iran and Iraq, but represent only about 10 percent of the one billion Muslims. Sunnis are dominant in such countries as Afghanistan, Egypt, Jordan, Indonesia and Saudi Arabia. Only 20 per cent of Muslims are Arab with the world's largest Muslim-majority country being Indonesia.

Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden are Sunnis. Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, is a Shiite.

© 2006 James N. Watkins


introducing my iraq exit strategy . . .

(September 20, 2006)

Sixteen departments of United States intelligence community have concluded that, according to the New York Times, "the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks." I'm no expert on international politics, but I wrote over a year ago:

(September 11, 2005) Based on terrorists' beliefs, I don't believe we can win a war on terrorism by invading terrorist-friendly countries. That appears to have only alienated our allies and motivated the terrorists.

Emboldened by the affirmation of my amateur assessment, here's an idea for how to withdraw from Iraq:

Every day there are no terrorist bombings in Iraq, the United States withdraws one thousand soldiers. (As a goodwill gesture, the U.S. could immediately withdraw one thousand soldiers.)

It seems like a logical, win/win strategy in both side's interests. Unfortunately, the US is dealing with an illogical enemy that will only be satisfied when it wins and its enemies lose. It may, however, put responsibility on the terrorists (U.S. soldiers are there because terrorists keep bombing innocent civilians) and give America the moral high ground it seems to have lost as a result of the invasion. Just an idea!




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