Today, May 4, is “Star Wars Day.” (“May the 4th be with you.” Get it? Okay, it’s a geek thing!)
Anyway, last week Disney announced the cast for its Star Wars: Episode VII. Now that Disney owns the franchise, we can expect some astronomical changes in the galaxy far, far away. So, I have in my right hand, direct from the swamp on Dagobah, today’s category: Top ten surprises in Disney’s Star Wars.
10. After having a crush on what turns out to be his own sister, Luke Skywalker swears off women and joins a monastery on Tatooine.
9. Due to budget cuts, the Empire returns with a smaller, more fuel efficient “Death Meteor.”
8. Disney World opens a theme park on the moon of Endor featuring the musical review, “It’s a Small Galaxy After All.”
7. Yoda goes on the motivational speaking circuit. “Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”
6. The Max Rebo Band performs at aforementioned theme park playing Disney show tunes.
5. Jar Jar Binks loses a recall election to a swamp rat.
4. A new villain emerges, Scar Vader.
3. Chewbacca stars as “The Beast” in “Disney on Ice.”
2. The Empire and the Rebel Alliance battle for control of Star Wars merchandizing rights.
1. Han Solo and Princess Leia get married and have a precocious son who turns to the dark side, and we’re right back to Episode I.
Copyright © 2012 James N. Watkins
• Confusing the Force it is (Comparing the Jedi Force with God’s Force)
• Episode III: Modern morality play
• Episode I: Why? Why? Why?
• Episodes I, II, III (Cartoon)
• Jar Jar Binks (Cartoon)
• Top ten signs Han Solo has turned 70
Note on Episode VIII: This is the very type of thing I predicted in 2014 . . .