Top ten things I do not want for Christmas

December 2nd, 2014 | Posted by jameswatkins in Uncategorized

buttenhancer
I have in my right hand, direct from the Sky Mall catalog, today’s category: Top ten things I do not want for Christmas

10. Sippy Wine Glass ($19.95) “When standing and noshing, juggling a wine glass can be challenging. Enter this acrylic wine glass with a no-spill sippy lid.” [Perfect for the tipsy toddler.]

9. Darth Vader Toaster ($44.95) “Butter your toast on the ‘dark side.’ Make toast and marvel at the Star Wars logo branded into it.” [More dollars than sense you have, yes?]

8. Relaxing MagicShowerhead ($59.99) “Enliven your daily shower experience by transforming your regular shower into a fountain of brilliant fun. Illuminates the shower water producing a variety of changing colors.” [Far out, man!]

7. Outdoor Dog Chaise Lounger ($249) “Designed with a built-in, overhanging shade for those days your dog just wants to cool off.”

6. Fyxation Leather Six-Pack Caddy ($59.99) “This full grain leather beer caddy conveniently fastens to your bike.” [Don’t drink and bike!]

5. Bacon Jams Sampler ($39.99) “Pack of three features All-Original, Red Chili & Garlic and Black Pepper”

4. Toilet Lid Photo Frame ($49.99) “Display your favorite 8 x 10 photo on this tough white plastic and clear acrylic bathroom essential. Lid fits all toilets or mounts to bathroom wall.” [Pooparazzi pics?]

3. The Wordsmith’s Manual Typewriter ($249.95) “This is the manual typewriter that recalls the thoughtful, well-written correspondence of yesteryears. Devoid of technological crutches such as spell-check and deletion.” [The perfect gift for the Luddite on your list!]

2. Tikker ($79.99) “A wristwatch that counts down your life. Using statistics and a personal health algorithm, your average life expectancy is calculated. The countdown begins, from years to seconds.” [As if aging isn’t depressing enough!]

1. Leo Men’s Padded Butt Enhanced Brief ($35) “All the benefits of a regular brief, but with removable contour padding and a special design to lift your butt.” [How many of those tiny bottles of airline liquor do you need to drink to think this is a good idea?!]

We report. You shake your head.

I am so grateful for gifts I don’t have to return or exchange. (I certainly do not need Padded Butt Enhanced Briefs!) Jesus, however, offers this gift:

      “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid” (John 17:27).

I pray that during the hustle and bustle of gift buying, you remember the gift of Christ’s peace of mind and heart. (You won’t find that in Skymall!)

Copyright © 2014 James N. Watkins

Just for fun, I added one fake product. Can you tell which one is totally made up? (And, yes, there’s just one) Leave your guess in the comment box below. First correct guess wins a free book.

And the winner is . . . Jody Moreen who was first to correctly identify the one fake: Toilet Lid Photo Frame. A copy of Squeezing Good Out of Bad is on it’s way to you, Jody.

Related site
The Twelve Sites of Christmas

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