James Watkins: Top ten (more or less) top ten lists

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Top ten (more or less) top ten lists

I have in my right hand, direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana, today's category: top ten (more or less) of my top ten lists. And while I have no idea why you'd want to do it, you can read more by clicking here.

Top ten signs you had a bad Christmas

December 2008
10. Instead of Christmas, you celebrated Festivus
9. Uncle Harold drank too much egg nogg
8. The Bumpuss' dogs ate your turkey
7. You watched Ernest Saves Christmas
6. You received a gift certificate for Weight Watchers
5. Three words: Batteries not included
4. Two words: Chia pet
3. One word: Fruitcake
2. The letter carrier suffered a hernia delivering your credit card bill
1. You forgot the reason for the season

Top ten people who deserve a special place in hell

January 2009
10. Spammers
9. Crooked politicians
8. Richard Reed, the incompetent (fortunately!) shoe bomber, who prompted everyone to take off their shoes in airport security line
7. The Tylenol tamper-er, who killed seven people in 1982 and prompted those frustrating "tamper-proof" packages
6. Immoral and unethical TV evangelists
5. Drug dealers
4. Child pornographers
3. Human traffickers
2. Terrorists
1. Me! (According to the Bible, we're all deserving of hell, but thank God for His unconditional love)

Top ten things President Bush is doing on last day in office

January 2009
10. Making last free long-distance calls on the hot line
9. Packing up new $492,798 china set (actually it stays with the House)
8. Filling out all those change of address cards
7. Making prank calls to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il and Nancy Pelosi
6. Working on his "Funniest Bloopers" compilation
5. Packing up Iraqi shoe collection
4. Sicking Barney on reporters
3. Joy-riding in Air Force One
2. Having one last romp in the Lincoln Bedroom
1. Leaving legacy at the curb

No matter what your political persuasion, you've got to feel some amount of compassion for a president whose name will forever be synonymous with the Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina and the economic recession. As The Onion reported the day after the election, "Black man gets worst job in America."

So, my thoughts and prayers are with the human being who is probably having a tough day. I hate moving!

And my thoughts and prayers are with Barack Obamatem as he does assume the "worst job in America." "Father, give him wisdom and courage to do what is pleasing to You."

Ten ten words/phrases I (Jim) don't want in my obit

June 2010
10. Blood alcohol
9. Cult
8. Detroit
7. Estranged
6. Filth
5. Grand jury
4. Love child
3. Miser
2. One hundred cats
1. Shark attack

Rick Barry

Top ten reasons 'Burn a Quran Day' is not biblical idea

August 2010

The Dove World Outreach Center, a non-denominational church in Gainesville, Florida, recently announced it will host a Quran burning event on its church property in observance of the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks "to warn Americans about the dangers of Islam."

So, I have in my right hand, direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana, today's category: Top ten reasons church's 'Burn a Quran Day' is not biblical idea

10. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "let your conversation always be full of grace."

9. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "love your neighbor."

8. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "love your enemies."

7. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

6. It goes against the Bible's teaching of "overcoming evil with good."

5. It goes against the Bible's teaching of "vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

4. It goes against the Bible's teaching to be "full of truth and grace."

3. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "live at peace with everyone."

2. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "be wise as a serpent, gentle as a dove"

1. It goes against the Bible's teaching that "whoever spreads slander is a fool"

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