James Watkins Author Speaker Threat to society

Top ten (more or less) top ten lists

I have in my right hand, direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana, today's category: top ten (more or less) of my top ten lists. And while I have no idea why you'd want to do it, you can read more by clicking here.

• Top ten people who deserve a special place in hell
• Top ten reasons "Burn a Koran Day" is anti-biblical
• Top ten signs you had a bad Christmas
• Top ten things President Bush is doing on last day in office
• Top ten ways to avoid talkative air travelers
• Ten ten words/phrases I (Jim) don't want in my obit

Top ten signs you had a bad Christmas

December 2008

10. Instead of Christmas, you celebrated Festivus

9. Uncle Harold drank too much egg nogg

8. The Bumpuss' dogs ate your turkey

7. You watched Ernest Saves Christmas

6. You received a gift certificate for Weight Watchers

5. Three words: Batteries not included

4. Two words: Chia pet

3. One word: Fruitcake

2. The letter carrier suffered a hernia delivering your credit card bill

1. You forgot the reason for the season

Top ten people who deserve a special place in hell

January 2009

10. Spammers

9. Crooked politicians

8. Richard Reed, the incompetent (fortunately!) shoe bomber, who prompted everyone to take off their shoes in airport security line

7. The Tylenol tamper-er, who killed seven people in 1982 and prompted those frustrating "tamper-proof" packages

6. Immoral and unethical TV evangelists

5. Drug dealers

4. Child pornographers

3. Human traffickers

2. Terrorists

1. Me! (According to the Bible, we're all deserving of hell, but thank God for His unconditional love)

Top ten things President Bush is doing on last day in office

January 2009

10. Making last free long-distance calls on the hot line

9. Packing up new $492,798 china set (actually it stays with the House)

8. Filling out all those change of address cards

7. Making prank calls to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il and Nancy Pelosi

6. Working on his "Funniest Bloopers" compilation

5. Packing up Iraqi shoe collection

4. Sicking Barney on reporters

3. Joy-riding in Air Force One

2. Having one last romp in the Lincoln Bedroom

1. Leaving legacy at the curb

No matter what your political persuasion, you've got to feel some amount of compassion for a president whose name will forever be synonymous with the Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina and the economic recession. As The Onion reported the day after the election, "Black man gets worst job in America."

So, my thoughts and prayers are with the human being who is probably having a tough day. I hate moving!

And my thoughts and prayers are with Barack Obama as he does assume the "worst job in America." "Father, give him wisdom and courage to do what is pleasing to You."

Ten ten words/phrases I (Jim) don't want in my obit

June 2010

10. Blood alcohol

9. Cult

8. Detroit

7. Estranged

6. Filth

5. Grand jury

4. Love child

3. Miser

2. One hundred cats

1. Shark attack

Hey, Detroit is a wonderful place to be from, just so you don't have to move back. Rick Barry

Rick, I wrote "Detroit" because it seemed too wordy to write "multiple gun shot wounds."

Top ten reasons 'Burn a Koran Day' is anti-biblical

August 2010

Terry Jones' Dove World Outreach Center, a tiny non-denominational church in Gainesville, Florida, recently announced it will host a Koran (Qur'an) burning event on its church property in observance of the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks "to warn Americans about the dangers of Islam."

So, I have in my right hand, direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana, today's category: top ten reasons "Burn a Koran Day" is anti-biblical

10. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "let your conversation always be full of grace."1

9. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "love your neighbor."2

8. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "love your enemies."3

7. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."4

6. It goes against the Bible's teaching of "overcoming evil with good."5

5. It goes against the Bible's teaching of "vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."6

4. It goes against the Bible's teaching to be "full of truth and grace."7

3. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "live at peace with everyone."8

2. It goes against the Bible's teaching to "wise as serpents and harmless as doves"9

1. It goes against the Bible's teaching that "whoever spreads slander is a fool"10

References
1. Colossians 4:6
2. Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39
3. Matthew 5:43
4. Matthew 22:39, Luke 6:31
5. Romans 12:21
6. Romans 12:19
7. John 1:14
8. Romans 12:18
9. Matthew 10:16
10. Proverbs 10:18

Top ten ways to avoid talkative air travelers

March 2010

On today's flight from Dallas to San Jose, a man behind me talked to his brand new BFF non-stop for the three-and-a-half-hour flight! So, I have in my right hand, direct from my temporary office here at the Mount Hermon Christian Writers' Conference, top ten ways to avoid talkative air travelers:

10. I'm sorry. Did you say something or are the voices back?

9. Would you like to hear about an amazing multi-level marketing opportunity?

8. Yo no hablo Inglés.

7. Wanna see pictures of my cats?

6. (Hold index and middle fingers together, bring together with extended thumb which is "no" in sign language.)

5. Typhoid isn't contagious, is it?

4. (No humber 4. Hiding in miniature toilet to avoid talkative seat mate.)

3. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. . . .

2. If you were to die tonight, where would be spend eternity?

1. I'm an author. Wanna hear about my books?

Write your own top ten lists! Learn how to entertain your family, friends, co-workers and total strangers with Writing with Banana Peels

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