James Watkins Author Speaker Threat to society

Travel the world on one tank of gas

Nothing is more fun than planning a family vacation—unless, of course, it's lost luggage, airline food, or eight hours of "Are we there yet?"

So, as a public service, let me suggest the Rand McNally travel agency. Here's what our team of investigative humor columnists discovered by searching through the index of its famous Road Atlas.

You can take your family to Atlanta, Brazil, Carthage, Denver, Dublin, Frankfort, Geneva, Jamestown, Lebanon, Long Beach, Maryland, Memphis, Mexico, Miami, Montezuma, Mt. Vernon, Norway, Oxford, Peru, St. Paul, Warsaw, Washington, or Waterloo without ever leaving the state of Indiana.

Just lineup the kids in front of the "Now Entering" sign, take the picture as soon as Junior stops making faces, and impress your family and friends with a world-wide slide show!

And by only traveling across the border into Kentucky, you can visit Anchorage, Capital Hill, Manhattan, and London. In Illinois you'll find Athens, Batavia, Bunker Hill, Cairo, Charleston, Cuba, El Paso, Frankfort, Geneva, Havana, Kansas, Oregon, Paris, Phoenix, Rome, Wyoming, and Zion.

Even closer to home, you'll find Athens, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, Frankfort, Holland, and yet another Norway in Michigan. Meanwhile, in the Buckeye State, visit Amsterdam, another Athens, Berlin, Damascus, Delaware, Frankfort, Jamestown, Lebanon, London, Macedonia, Poland, Reno, Rio Grande, Troy, Warsaw, Williamsburg, and Wyoming.

And if you can't afford to fly to Hawaii for a honeymoon, you can find in Love in Virginia. You'll find your Valentine in Arizona and Nebraska; Loveland in Colorado, Ohio, and Washington; and Honeymoon in Arizona.

We're planning a trip to the Holy Land, but it looks like we could save a bundle—and not be endangered by religious terrorists—by simply touring the United States. There are Bethlehem's in Connecticut, Kentucky, New Hampshire, and Pennsylvania; Canaan in New Hampshire; Eden in Georgia, Illinois, New York, and Texas, Egypt in Kentucky; Palestine in Illinois; and even Sodom in New York.

All of this exhaustive investigating caused me to ponder, who comes up with these city names?!

Among the Ordinary (Kentucky), Plain City (Ohio) and Soso (Missouri) town names, you can find lots of exceptions. Who would have thought of naming cities Colon and Flushing—both in Michigan. Or Santa Claus, Indiana? You can also find Paradise in Montana and Hell in Michigan. (However I'd suggest avoiding Double Trouble, New Jersey; Gnawbone, Indiana; Eek, Alaska; Hazard, Kentucky; and Slaughter, Louisiana.)

Some city planners merely borrow other state's names such as Atlanta in Idaho and Texas; California, Nebraska; Denver, New York; Lansing, Iowa and Indiana; plus the ever-popular Marion in Alabama, Illinois, Indiana (there are actually two Marions in the Hoosier state), Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin. (No wonder postal workers are stressed out!)

And nothin' says lovin' like naming a town after your favorite girl such as Elsie, Judy, Mary, and Susie—all in Kentucky.

Animals apparently play an important role in communities. How 'bout traveling to Alligator, Mississippi; Cowshead, Newfoundland; Jackrabbit, Arizona; or Raccoon, Indiana?

The beaver, though, appears to be the most popular creature with city planners. You can find a Beaver in Oklahoma, Oregon (there are actually two towns called Beaver in the state), Pennsylvania, and Utah; Beaver City, Nebraska; Beaver Creek, Ohio; Beaver Crossing, Alberta; Beaver Dam, New Jersey; Beaver Lodge, Alberta; Beaverton, Ontario; and Big Beaver, Pennsylvania.

So, whether you're planning to visit Cairo Egypt or Cairo, Illinois, I trust you have an enjoyable time. We're thinking about visiting Watkins, Colorado; Watkins Glen, New York; or Watkinsville, Georgia.

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Travel the world on one tank of gas

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