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Paragraph 1: For external use only. Discontinue if rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops. May contain nuts. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Side-effects may include drowsiness or mild to severe agitation. Do not read while consuming alcohol or operating heavy machinery. Appoint a designated reader if intoxicated. Keep away from open flame. Do not store above 451 degrees. Do not use near or place in water. Void where prohibited by law, taxed or licensed. Any medical information provided is for general educational use only and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Some material may not be suitable for young children. Parental discretion advised. Views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of any other person—real or fictitious, living or dead—using the name James Watkins—heretofore referred to as “the author.”

Paragraph 2: All copy and cartoons are property of the author and protected by United States copyright law as well as international copyright by the Berne Convention. Click for information on permission to reprint. (It’s not really that difficult.)

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Sub-paragraph 1: User will use this website in a responsible manner as prescribed above including but not limited to not using this site as terrorist propaganda, libel under current United States and international laws, or to market nuclear weapons or other weapons of mass destruction on this site. User grants author perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive license to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute, or to take completely out of context any comments user may post on this site. The user, and his/her legal representatives, will indemnify and keep the author indemnified (held harmless) against all actions, suits, proceedings, claims, demands, damages and costs (including any legal costs or expenses properly incurred and any compensation costs and disbursements paid by the author on the advice of its legal counsel to compromise or settle any claim) occasioned to the author in consequence of any breach of the warranty described in paragraph 2.

Sub-paragraph 2: Users shall shamelessly and relentlessly recommend, promote author’s websites—operating under the domains of jameswatkins.com and hopeandhumor.org—on user’s Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, or other current or future social networking sites (use form below), personal websites and blogs, hot air balloon, carrier pigeons or any or all other marketing platforms currently in use or to be developed in the future including, but not limited to, Vulcan mind meld and Jedi mind tricks.

Sub-sub-paragraph 1: Furthermore user will, if the author’s health requires it, donate a kidney or other vital organ to the author.

Paragraph 3: User must not take anything the author says too seriously on his site, especially this warning.

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