Three secrets to XXX-ceptional sex: 3

(Continued from Three secrets to XXX-ceptional sex)

3. Concentration

In secrets 1 and 2, I mentioned commitment and communication. The third is concentration. But since we guys often concentrate on our cars more than our wives, here’s my third point in terms those with Y chromosomes can understand:

Admire your vehicle! Men, approach your wife as if you were in a new car show room. Take time to admire her aerodynamic design. (Kicking tires is not a good idea! Like all illustrations, this will break down as sure as a Yugo.)

And women, forget the paycheck-per-ounce perfume. Simply hang a “new car scent” air freshener around your neck to arouse your spouse’s passions.

Keep up with routine maintenance. Do you know what is Lois’s greatest “turn-on”? Putting away the dishes in the dishwasher! I was hoping for something a bit more erotic, but she claims that’s one of the best ways to show her that I really love her. Often it’s the little acts of kindness that women find so attractive. (And, hey, it’s a lot cheaper than dinner and a movie!)

Wash, wax, and polish your beloved wheels . . . and wife. Sex researchers call this “pleasuring.” It is physical touching that doesn’t necessarily lead to intercourse–but certainly puts one in the mood for it later. Back rubs, stroking the other’s hair, taking a long bath or shower together. Discover what—and where—produces the greatest amount of pleasure in your partner.

Masters and Johnson developed a three-stage method of “sensate focus” for couples with sexual problems. (Basically “sensate focus” is simply the old-fashioned “making out,” but it sounds much more scientific, doesn’t it?) First, non-genital pleasuring of partner’s body for several days. Then, genital touching and caressing without intercourse for several days, and finally, non-demanding sexual intercourse with the goal of pleasure rather than performance.

According to Mildred Hope Witkin of the Human Sexuality Training Program at Cornell University Medical College, the average woman needs a “good twenty minutes—some up to an hour—of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.” Dr. Merle Kroop, also of Cornell, treated only one woman who remained non-orgasmic following sensate focusing.

Remember guys, we tend to be quarter-mile dragsters; women are Indianapolis 500 drivers. Seven seconds–or even seven minutes–of squealing tires may be satisfying to a male, but females prefer the long distance races. A survey by Pittsurgh’s Western Psychiatric Institute found that nearly one half of women (46%) reported having trouble reaching orgasm, and 15% unable to reach orgasm. Out of that number, however, 99 percent didn’t climax because they are not given enough time. So plan to devote a good deal of time at the race track.

So, guys, it’s important to give the engine time to warm up.

Watch your speed limit. Again, men, this is not a quarter-mile straightaway! It’s a two and a half mile oval. Don’t finish the course without your racing partner! This requires the kind of physical and mental discipline of great race drivers to not run out of gas on the first lap! (Over-forty male drivers are actually better at distance racing since their carburetors are set lower than newer models.)

Go for the checkered flag! If you and your partner find yourself in the pits, rather than the winner’s circle, here are some additional tips:

Don’t drink and drive. Researchers believe 25 percent of sexual problems are caused or complicated by medication. Antihistamines, sedatives, tranquilizers, anti-depressants, high blood pressure medications, and arthritis drugs can create sexual problems. Illegal drugs are even more disasterous. Heroin addicts are usually impotent, and cocaine use initially increases sexual sensation, but eventually can result in impotence for men, and anorgasm in women. Even a few drinks of alcohol before sex can cause less firm erections and ejaculation difficulties for men and interfere with orgasm for women.

Avoid a smoking engine. Tobacco can cause toxic changes in oxygen levels and blood stream can affect blood flow to vital engine parts.

So, see your neighborhood mechanic to make sure your vehicle in good shape. He has items in the rest room that can . . . (Oops, another metaphor misfiring!) What I meant to say is see your family doctor or a certified therapist for a tune-up.

Copyright © 1995 James N. Watkins. All rights reserved.

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