WARNING: This post contains satire!
Zondervan/Thomas Nelson has announced that its popular New American Standard Bible, New International Version and New King James Version will no longer contain the works of Kings David and Solomon.
A spokesperson noted, “We can no longer promote the work of authors guilty of sexual assault. King David’s immoral affair with Bathsheba and the subsequent ordering the murder of her husband, Uriah, disqualifies the psalmist from writing in holy script. King Solomon’s acquisitions of multiple wives and his embracing of their pagan gods also makes disingenuous his so-called “wisdom” writing. As a result, only the twelve psalms of Asaph and one of Moses will remain in the book of Psalms. We will also delete the books of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs.”
The world’s largest Christian publisher is also considering deleting any references to Abraham, who had a sexual affair with his wife’s servant. First and 2 Corinthians may be also be removed as the members of the church, according to chapter 6 in Paul’s first letter, had previously engaged in “sexual sin,” “adultery,” “male prostitution” and “homosexuality.” [Continue reading]