I have in my right hand, direct from a layover at O’Hell International Airport in Chicago, “Top five silly things flight attendants say.” (It’s summer, and I’m too lazy to write ten!)
5. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make your flight more enjoyable.
How ’bout giving me the whole can of soft drink? How ’bout an in-flight magazine that doesn’t have the crossword puzzle half done? How ’bout spraying some air-freshener in the lavatory? How about . . . Oh, wait, it’s just part of the script, isn’t it?
4. To fasten your seat belt, insert the flat metal tab into the buckle, then. . . .
If a passenger doesn’t know how to use a seat belt, he or she probably shouldn’t be out in public unattended.
3. In case of the loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the overhead panel. Put the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally.
I’m sorry, but if a gaping hole opens in the cabin, I don’t think I’m going to be breathing “normally.”
2. Please return your seat to the upright position.
But I’m so enjoying the relaxing half-inch of “reclining.”
1. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device.
If I’m hurtling toward the ocean at 500 mph, I’m afraid I’m going to use my seat cushion for something other than a floatation device.
Okay, I say my share of sillyand downright stupidthings, but I try to follow these five sayings from St. Paul. (And they’re much more practical than “Anyone caught tampering with or disabling the lavatory smoke detector will be asked to deplane immediately.”)
1. If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal (1 Corinthians 13:1).
2. We will speak the truth in love . . . (Ephesians 4:15).
3. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them (Ephesians 4:29).
4. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:31-32).
5. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone (Colossians 4:6).
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Copyright © 2011, 2014 James N. Watkins
What are other silly things you’ve heard during pre-flight instructions? Please comment below.