What might happen if a "prosperity gospel" TV evangelist tried to interview one of the original disciples who had "no silver or gold"?
Permission to print and perform this sketch
Ain't God great! Hi, friend, I'm Brother Bob Blessing here with another exciting special: "Something Lucrative is Going to Happen to You!" Behind me is the beautiful billion-dollar "Ain't God Great Center"--home of our satellite TV station, the "Ain't God Great Radio Network," our seven-thousand-seat auditorium and fitness center, and of course our "Springs of Blessings" water slide. From here we proclaim the good news the world is waiting to hear: "Jesus wants you healthy and wealthy." We'll be telling how you can be blessed by sharing in this exciting ministry in just a moment. But first friend, let me introduce today's co-host. He's assertive. He's positive. He's one of Christ's own disciples. Here he is, your favorite disciple and mine . . . Saint Peter!
[Saint Peter enters, appearing overwhelmed by the sets, lights and cameras.]
Welcome to our "Something Lucrative is Going to Happen to You" special, Saint Peter.
Uh, you can just call me Peter.
Well, what an honor to meet one so positive and assertive, and of course, healthy and wealthy.
Well, actually I've got this really bad cold I picked up in prison and I'm afraid I don't have any silver or gold.
[talking to off-stage]
Keep the tape rolling, Nick, but make a note to edit that out in production. You see, Peter, I'm Brother Bob Blessing--the world's most positive thinker. Jesus wants us healthy and wealthy. We're King's kids. Ah, let's try another approach. Take two. Five. Four. Three. Two. [silently count "one"] Peter, you were one of Christ's closest friends. What positive and powerful message stands out above all the others.
I guess the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus started out by saying, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of . . .
Cut! Peter, you don't seem to understand that this is a positive show. God doesn't want us living below our privileges. He loves you and has a wonderful Porche for your life. [Talking to off-stage] Roll the tape, Nick. Take three. Five. Four. Three. Two. [pause] One of Christ's messages that stands out to Saint Peter is the Sermon on the Mount.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
Cut! What do you mean "mourn." If you think on positive things, if you really believe that something lucrative is going to happen to you, then life can be continuously happy.
But I get beat up everywhere I go sharing the Gospel. And my close friend, James, was beheaded. And worse than that, there are people dying this moment and going into eternity without Christ.
Just don't think about it, friend. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. [To off-stage] Keep the tape rolling, Nick. We may be able to salvage some of this. [To Peter] Please, say something positive.
Well, I'm basically a "go for it," assertive and confident sort of guy . . .
Praise God! Yes, friends, it's those who assert themselves and name it and claim it that the Lord blesses.
. . but I've learned that only the meek will inherit the earth.
[To off-stage] Make a note to edit that out. Take four. Five. Four. Three. Two. [pause] [To Peter] Is there ANYTHING positive you remember Christ saying?
Oh, sure. Most of it.
Finally! Peter remembers Christ as someone who thought positively, lived positively, and was positively successful! Can you share some of those thoughts, Peter?
Of course. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
Pa-raise the Lord! Thank you, Jeee-sus! Yes, Jesus want to fill our lives to overflowing!
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
Pa-reach it, friend!
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
Gaa-lory! Yes, friends, God wants you to be His son or daughter and experience all His riches. Just dial 1-800-BLESSED and . . .
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of . . .
"Blessed are you when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you . . . .
Okay, that's enough! Are the mikes off? Look, Peter, it's been great being with you, but--nothing personal--you're not the kind of guest this special needs.
[Peter walks off shaking his head.]
[To off-stage]: Nick, see if you can get me the disciple who wrote "God's divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness." [pause as if Nick answers Brother Bob] That WAS him?!
[Brother Bob walks off shaking his head.]